ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're tryin' to be so quiet...

dearest c,

there is a love you gave me.. in the fictitious beauty of fleeting words that i can't get out of my mind.

it's always worse around your birthday. as if there's a magnetic needle threading my dreams into and through some newly generated representation of what we had. i close my eyes and i let go, and just before i fall away, every word we have passed between each other flashes back into my mind and then without control i dream of you.

things here are as they are. i have a boyfriend. he doesn't have anything you did... including that piece of my heart that will follow you around without your recognition.  i say that because i know i have that control. you will never know how my heart aches for you. you'll think you do, and you'll use it to generate a smile or two. but in the end that is mine... mine only to be shared with the memory of you.

so for the you in my dreams and the you in that vast land up north, i wish a happy birthday and many more fantasies from both my mind and yours.

with all the love i do and do not actually understand, i remain in a way i can't control,
yours consistently,

m