I hate that we always need reasons to say hello that it never seems enough to just be thinking about someone and so moved to reach out to them.

I've been thinking a lot about paris recently. And in turn you due to you being a part of my paris. I miss it, and I miss you. I miss the way you saw me, or at least the way I thought you saw me, so more I guess the way I saw myself in your eyes. I say that and obviously then have to see the less than sweet moment flash through my mind, and while I am sad that those instances have to be included, I can't say I don't miss them too. They, we, it was all so intrical. I miss that real sense of correct moments. And I do miss you for nothing more than everything it was.

I wrote about you once, about what it might have been like if it could have survived.


Do you ever wish you could ask for things to be returned to you which never belonged to you in the first place? If I could I would ask for your shirt, the one with the bucking bronco. Everything I adore about you threaded through that shirt.

mj

A heart is breaking across the distance
I never expected this final good bye
Why didn’t you stage a stronger resistance
You could have fought for me, tough guy

It started with such beautiful words
You drew big plans, then locked them away
Life set aside for another day
Around you I fabricated new standards

But somewhere between your heart and mine
There was a love I couldn’t understand
It was there for a while then faded like a smile
Darkness fell, leaving us in no man’s land

We were just wasting time
Throwing pain back and forth
Never seeing what is was worth
In our delusion it was a victimless crime

But I can’t stop loving you
Outside you I have no place to go
I move through a new world trying to make do
I never could have stayed through another frost and snow

But I never stop thinking about you
I miss you more than I should
I think we misunderstood
What was really true


Now only the carnage of what could never be remains
In despair I try not to care
I should move on and start a new campaign
But all I can do is wish you were here

mj